Why does my wife still act childishly?

Illustration/ Uday Mohite

DrMy wife is 35 years old and I am almost 40. I love her very much, but it sometimes feels as if she is still a teenager. She has not matured in the years we have been married. We met in college and she still behaves as if she is stuck in that time. She is childish about all kinds of things, doesn’t speak to me for days if we have even a simple argument, and it is tiring to ask her for any help related to financial or other matters because she doesn’t even take it seriously. How do I get through to her and ask her to just grow up?

Think about why you fell in love with her in the first place. Do you want her to be more mature because you believe you have changed in some way? Does her behaviour damage your relationship in any way, or do you simply want her to be like someone you think she should be? I am not dismissing your concerns as genuine, but it is important to understand and accept that people in any relationship evolve in different ways, at their own pace. If you must be the more mature one for now — irrespective of how you define what mature means — why not improve how you and your wife communicate? Does she understand your perspective or your expectations from her as a partner?

I was introduced to a guy around 3 years ago who said he liked me a lot. I rejected him at the time because I didn’t bother getting to know him better. Since then, I have come to realize that he is everything I want in a partner. I recently found out that he is dating someone, and it is driving me insane. How do I win him back?

You can’t do anything except try and get in touch with him. If he agrees to chat, you can try and explain. If not, you may have to accept his decision and move on.

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